‘Alternatives to Violence Project’ Sows Skills for Civility, Goodwill
October 31, 2024
Facilitating “a little taste” of the peace-fostering Alternatives to Violence Project on Sunday afternoon at the Barnegat Friends Meeting House were state coordinator Eleanor Novek and volunteer Chad Dell, who had traveled from the Manasquan Quaker Meeting to present an overview of AVP, which began 50 years ago at Green Haven Correctional Facility in upstate New York.
Since then, the grassroots volunteer program has expanded its impact and advanced peacemaking attitudes through workshops in churches, community centers and other public spaces and now operates in 32 states and across six continents. The outcomes are reduced violence and healthier relationships in homes, schools, communities and prisons.
A full workshop is about 20 hours, Novek said, generally held on a weekend, from Friday night through Sunday. But it can also be spaced out over certain days to accommodate school classes or other scheduling needs.
Novek described AVP as experiential, not lesson- or lecture-based. Attendees are asked to talk to each other, to share ideas and life experiences, to be willing to let their guards down, get goofy and laugh together. Participation, while recognized as a tool for learning and growth, is always voluntary, and facilitators are always volunteers.
“No one is an expert,” she said. To cultivate an environment of acceptance and equality, chairs are arranged in a circle.
Novek’s entry into the program was in 2006, she said, and she took a more active role a few years later. She got an AVP workshop started through her Manasquan Meeting and has spent the last 15 years building the volunteer base and the community around it, and spreading the message.
Before that, she had been a prison volunteer. Her career as a communications professor at Monmouth University had led her to research social justice communication and, specifically, prison journalism. Dell, too, is a communications professor emeritus at Monmouth U.
Novek pivoted to AVP from prison-based journalism because she felt AVP was more valuable to effect change in people’s hearts.
“It’s learning to recognize the good in others, the good in ourselves, a sense of empathy, even kinship. It’s really hard to want to do violence to people you see that way.”
Many people already see peaceful conflict resolution happening regularly in their lives.
“Yes, we do it all the time, because we are built that way,” she said.
But humans also have impulses to judge, to seek revenge and to engage in violence, she added. And they may fail to consider ways they hurt others verbally, emotionally or psychologically. Or they may inflict self-violence by beating themselves up over perceived mistakes or shortcomings. With practice, anyone can develop a more peaceful mindset.
Generally, she said, workshop participants bring an open mind, but resistance does come up – surprisingly, often among Quakers.
“People tend to think they’re there to stop other people from being violent,” she said. “The big reveal is we’re here to change ourselves and to make space for other people to change.”
The main objectives of the program are to raise awareness of the various forms of violence and to equip participants with tools to change their own attitudes and behaviors along their personal journeys.
“Every time I do a workshop, I learn something, and I’m humbled and embarrassed that I don’t know it already,” Novek said. “My grandmother used to say, ‘Too soon old, too late smart.’ … Each of us has to get where we’re getting in our way.”
After a welcome to those who had gathered on Sunday, Novek gave some history and introduced the principles of the project, which originated in 1975 as a joint effort of incarcerated men, a Quaker worship group, and members of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee of the Civil Rights Movement, who trained activists in how to meet conflict with nonviolence.
The three-day nonviolence training workshop became so popular that requests began pouring in from other prisons and community groups, according to the literature. “AVP also helps build peace in countries working to rebuild in the aftermath of violent civil conflict, such as Rwanda and Palestine.”
Designed to be experiential and thought provoking, the format helps to illuminate the roots of violence, and reasons and ways to choose nonviolence instead.
The principles are the same for every workshop: good in everyone; teachers and learners together (“We all have to learn it all the time, and keep learning it,” Novek said); all volunteers, no one mandated to attend; healing, but not therapy; participate to learn; spiritual, not religious; safe space; and have fun.
“AVP applies the same methods used by Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,” according to the brochure, “to empower people to lead nonviolent lives through communication skills such as cooperation, respect, affirmation and trust.”
Sunday’s first order of business was for everyone to choose an alliterative, affirming name – Cheerful Chad, Elevating Eleanor. Next came a sharing exercise where partners, in turn, had two-minute talking points to get to know a little bit about each other, necessitating vulnerability, active listening and empathy.
Dell recalled his first workshop experience, which was also his first time in a prison, where they did the same sharing exercise Friday night. “We all found some sort of common ground,” he said. “And I felt much more at ease Saturday morning, walking into this prison.”
Deep, disarming discussions are interspersed with “light and lively” games and activities “to get us out of our heads and back into our bodies,” as Novek explained. “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” and “Picking Grapes” were two. The full workshop involves some role playing, infused with elements of humor and surprise, that further breaks down barriers and puts ideas into action, Dell said.
Another group exercise was for individuals to speak for three minutes each about a time when they resolved a conflict without the use of any kind of violence.
“We have and use the skills to walk away from, or de-escalate, a potentially violent conflict.” Novek said.
An important concept that arose was the “transforming power” within to meet an adversary without violence; to recognize nonviolence and peace are not weakness; and to change how we see our opponents, not just as victimizers or oppressors, thus transforming a situation, or ourselves.
“It is reaching for the divine in ourselves,” Novek said, “and not being under the influence of the unpleasantness we’re experiencing. We can see beyond that.”
The AVP thesis is violence exists in physical, verbal and emotional forms, “from put-downs and disrespect to the taking of human life. In our stressful society, most of us are exposed to some form of violence daily. And whether we know it or not, we may also inflict violence on others.”
Peace lovers can attend a workshop, basic and advanced, for personal growth and transformation and learn conflict resolution skills to use at home and at work; join a facilitator team; and host a workshop. AVP-New Jersey welcomes people of all ages, racial and ethnic backgrounds, walks of life, sexual orientations and physical abilities. No conflict resolution experience is required, only a sincere commitment to nonviolence.
“Volunteers bring empowerment and new skills to prisoners and community members alike and help create a more peaceful society,” the organization beckons.
To learn more about how to get involved, visit avpnj.org or email avnewjersey@gmail.com.
— Victoria Ford
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